Space Between

I am wondering what the heck I have done to deserve the relationships I currently have. I must admit, I am a broken person who has no right to claim goodness in return as I have caused other people pain, both intentionally and unintentionally.  I am at the moment aware about those I have done until yesterday of my life. I try to control it but the cracks on me seem to seethe through until I can no longer contain myself. I’m a human. And I also burst. But I have a soul to take care of. I have a God to fear. I have a heart and what I did what just what it had been beating about. I wanted to be loved. And I fought so hard to get that.  Maybe I passed the wrong roads. Might be that I clicked on an incorrect key. But the goal was just there and all I wanted was to get where that is.  #LongOverduePost

The last time I visited a movie house was when I was still single. Avengers! Aha, that was the movie then. Pathetic, am I? Naah. Im not a big fan of movies. I have a very short attention span and watching them make my mind leave the movie house. With motherhood, I rarely have free time these days. If I get one, I shop or dine out. So movies are really not a priority. So I actually just get the time to watch when mother duties are finished early during weekends. Local light romantic movies? Yes to those!  So last year, I was able to chance up on these two and geeesh, these movies brought out the kilig in me. I have no idea actually. Maybe, I was once like them? Or maybe, I was once like them? Now, I know. ☺          I find Gerald a hunk even before this one. And here, he's too much for my heartbeat! I also felt the same for JM same here. He did not disappoint!  Bilis ng heartbeat ko sa kanila!♥♥♥ Angelica is so her here. Nakakatuwa ....

What?!? It has been 2 years?!? I never have had the time to post something here. I miss writing this way. I miss writing my emotions out. I miss free-soul writing. Work writing is far different from this. Oh, this is soooo liberaaaating. I think I have to find a way back to at least write this way. Well, the days have been very different now. I have been a bit different. The issues? Oh, they stayed All. The. Same.

I remember how everything started. How my hips hurt so bad I can barely walk for a week. I still remember how the pain radiated from my back to my belly like everything is about to burst. How I squirmed at the pregnant girl in the Labor Room who was screaming in pain when I was only 3 cm and mine hurt still tolerably every 10 minutes or so. How I still had a Skype session with my mother-in-law in my every 5 minutes interval of labor. How my husband sneaked some snore while I endured an intense pain and held on to the sheets of my bed. How water came out of me and how we argued that it wasn’t my water bag yet. It was. But it just leaked. How I still had to persuade my mother to come with us to the hospital. How after a few minutes I found myself gripping hard on the handles of the car on our way to the hospital. How I ate my words when I entered the Labor Room because I was almost screaming in pain like the girl I saw earlier.  How in like 30 minutes, I was slid into a different be...

I delivered my most wonderful creation in this world 4 months ago.   I remember looking at the mirror, trying to convince myself that everything aside from my growing tummy is unchanged, and feeling uglier and bigger each day.  I can still remember the times when I had 4 days of aching hip and I couldn’t even walk straight. I remember the first time the doctor had to do an internal exam on me. I can even remember the sound of the popped waterbag. I remember the fluctuating pain brought by contraction and the hope that it’ll soon be over. I remember screaming at my doctor when there was a sudden pain and all she did was smile like saying- “that is giving birth”.  I remember how numbness slowly ate a big part of me.  I even remember the conversation I had with my attending physicians before, during and after my son was pulled out from me. I remember begging not to have me sliced open. I remember hearing my baby’s fast heartbeat while inside me. I remember how afte...

The very long wait is over. If you know me better, you probably know for a fact that I am a very frugal person.  I often choose practicality over quality.  I forego the best just to save money. I even perfected the art of just staring and imagining to own something because I refuse to see descending money figures. It was a long discussion between myself and my savings. In the end, I had to tell myself that I need to spoil myself at times. Besides, there is none to do that until my son has a mind of his own and I remain to be the only woman he loves. After all, I pushed my baby out to see the world but ended up getting sliced open, turned a year older and had another Christmas—I guess I deserve something as a pat on my back. So just this year, after giving birth to my first child, I realized I shouldn’t starve myself anymore. Well, at least not until I am paying for my kid’s tuition.  What is the use of money if it will just stay in the bank? What is the sense...

Now, I can only dream and remember thoughts of  you. I bathe you while you also get me all soaked up. I feed you sugar and water whenever you feel like getting sick. I clean your wounds after your fights with the others to shoo them away. I carry you whenever youre too scared of the stairs. I scratch your nape whenever i notice that you feel youre being ignored. I drag you to the veterinarian's clinic for your vaccine.. which I know will be good for you. I brought you pasalubong whenever possible. I even stepped on your pests the last time we met. And i remember telling you to stay with us longer. But maybe, it is really your time. Thank you for the 10 loyal years. Thank you for being one of the smartest dogs I have ever known. It just saddens me that I never got to say goodbye personally. And that you didnt wait for Saturday to see me before you go. I hope you left peacefully. Although I heard you were crying a bit. I still hope you are better now. You wil...