Random Thoughts

It’s a new year and I realized, I have not written my thoughts for quite some time now.

Days and months have passed, and things are quite the same still. You know what’s different? The impact.

These days, I have quite grown to live with the challenges in my life. But don’t get me wrong. I still cry the ugliest cry. I still bawl in the CR in a snap. I still shout while driving. I still feel worried. I still feel anxious that anytime someone from behind will stab me, literally and figuratively. I still feel the pain. I still am sad of things that happened and that were done to me. But as they say, you do not and cannot forget the pain. You just learn to live with it.

Until now, no one has sincerely sent an apology or showed regret. I shouldn't wait, really. Maybe there will come a time that they will realize the scar they left on me. Maybe not. And I am still trying not to care.

I’m persuading myself that because I have different views and practice from people I grew up with, maybe, just maybe, I am in a wrong place. I think I also chose the wrong people to be with.  I had little opportunities. I made a lot of bad decisions. I was unappreciated. Probably because the room was not meant for people like me. 

But then again, how many were lucky enough to be in the room meant for us? Do people really have rooms meant for them? I don't know. I wouldn't know. 

Well, this is adulthood, I guess. This is the life I was given. Not complaining because there were better days, still. There were good days. Most were okay. Praying for the best though in the coming days, months and years.

And oh, for my peace.