Space Between

Formally saying farewell to one of my music loves. I even named my son after you, Cornelius.  Well, I can do nothing but just let him hear your beautiful songs from here on. Thank you, Chris Cornell. You will forever be singing in my heart. Rest now.

How do you know that the love has gone? How do you know that the old love has turned into indifference? How did that indifference come into life? There is no answer to that, really.  Until you get into one. 

Oftentimes, you judge a person’s patience and understanding on a certain scenario that you have witnessed.  You conclude based on his response on that specific situation.  Do. Not. Be. Fooled. When your bottle of patience becomes full, it spills. With just a small drop, it becomes of a different formulation. Sometimes, it explodes. It even breaks into pieces. It becomes irreparable. Since when has this feeling become indifferent? This heart do not even remember. Although, this mind has collected a lot of thoughts. Maybe somewhere in the middle of the collection, this heart was punctured and was left with a hole. This heart never became the same again. This mind tried to give this heart some medication, but never had been brought back to how it was before. This paper is a shxt of paper. With lots of pun intended. Who the heck invented it?!?

I am wondering what the heck I have done to deserve the relationships I currently have. I must admit, I am a broken person who has no right to claim goodness in return as I have caused other people pain, both intentionally and unintentionally.  I am at the moment aware about those I have done until yesterday of my life. I try to control it but the cracks on me seem to seethe through until I can no longer contain myself. I’m a human. And I also burst. But I have a soul to take care of. I have a God to fear. I have a heart and what I did what just what it had been beating about. I wanted to be loved. And I fought so hard to get that.  Maybe I passed the wrong roads. Might be that I clicked on an incorrect key. But the goal was just there and all I wanted was to get where that is.  #LongOverduePost

The last time I visited a movie house was when I was still single. Avengers! Aha, that was the movie then. Pathetic, am I? Naah. Im not a big fan of movies. I have a very short attention span and watching them make my mind leave the movie house. With motherhood, I rarely have free time these days. If I get one, I shop or dine out. So movies are really not a priority. So I actually just get the time to watch when mother duties are finished early during weekends. Local light romantic movies? Yes to those!  So last year, I was able to chance up on these two and geeesh, these movies brought out the kilig in me. I have no idea actually. Maybe, I was once like them? Or maybe, I was once like them? Now, I know. ☺          I find Gerald a hunk even before this one. And here, he's too much for my heartbeat! I also felt the same for JM same here. He did not disappoint!  Bilis ng heartbeat ko sa kanila!♥♥♥ Angelica is so her here. Nakakatuwa ....

What?!? It has been 2 years?!? I never have had the time to post something here. I miss writing this way. I miss writing my emotions out. I miss free-soul writing. Work writing is far different from this. Oh, this is soooo liberaaaating. I think I have to find a way back to at least write this way. Well, the days have been very different now. I have been a bit different. The issues? Oh, they stayed All. The. Same.

I remember how everything started. How my hips hurt so bad I can barely walk for a week. I still remember how the pain radiated from my back to my belly like everything is about to burst. How I squirmed at the pregnant girl in the Labor Room who was screaming in pain when I was only 3 cm and mine hurt still tolerably every 10 minutes or so. How I still had a Skype session with my mother-in-law in my every 5 minutes interval of labor. How my husband sneaked some snore while I endured an intense pain and held on to the sheets of my bed. How water came out of me and how we argued that it wasn’t my water bag yet. It was. But it just leaked. How I still had to persuade my mother to come with us to the hospital. How after a few minutes I found myself gripping hard on the handles of the car on our way to the hospital. How I ate my words when I entered the Labor Room because I was almost screaming in pain like the girl I saw earlier.  How in like 30 minutes, I was slid into a different be...