New Life

I delivered my most wonderful creation in this world 4 months ago.  

I remember looking at the mirror, trying to convince myself that everything aside from my growing tummy is unchanged, and feeling uglier and bigger each day.  I can still remember the times when I had 4 days of aching hip and I couldn’t even walk straight. I remember the first time the doctor had to do an internal exam on me. I can even remember the sound of the popped waterbag. I remember the fluctuating pain brought by contraction and the hope that it’ll soon be over. I remember screaming at my doctor when there was a sudden pain and all she did was smile like saying- “that is giving birth”.  I remember how numbness slowly ate a big part of me.  I even remember the conversation I had with my attending physicians before, during and after my son was pulled out from me. I remember begging not to have me sliced open. I remember hearing my baby’s fast heartbeat while inside me. I remember how after that I deliberately permitted having me cut open. I remember everything that fateful day inspite of the pain and 2 different types of anaesthesia.

Today and everyday, I wake up twice during the wee hours to feed my little bedmate’s tiny stomach.  I eat my sense of self when I am being squirmed at whenever I put my shirt up and have a feeding session inside our house.  I only get to observe how people gulp on their cocktails, beers and wines. I glimpse at the clock more often and hope that the hours say goodbye soon. I get worried when the sun is already down and I am not home and sad, when the sun is already up while I am home.  I put on my dress, hold on to my chic handbag, slip on my dainty shoes and hang a cooler containing my milk on my other arm. I risk the chance of lower work efficiency for  30-45 minutes off every 3-4 hours to seclude myself and pump out milk from me. I forego catching-ups, mall visits and forget my social calendar simply because a life is waiting for me at home.

All of those just to see a toothless smile.

Life is different now. Very.


I am now a mother. I guess it will still take some time for me to actually absorb everything in it. But slowly, I will get there.

Comments

  1. online travel agency auApril 17, 2015 at 8:08 AM

    I was touched by how you express yourself in bearing a great blessing from God. The child is also lucky to have you as mother,unlike with uncaring mothers out there. God bless you both.

    ReplyDelete

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