Same People, Same Feeling

 


I realized, the very same people who pulled me out from a miserable situation years ago are the very same people making me endure the same feeling again for the past years.


There’s really no one to blame but me. Books say that selfishness is bad. But in reality, who’s going to look after your desires and needs but you. So, how can we blame them? Then, we question selfishness and sugarcoat it with self-sustainability. I am just unfortunate. Stupid. Allowing. Kind. Desperate. I lost the game on benefits and I have been feeling the same feeling again. Just from different persons this time.


They say the brain does not know which one is right. Patterns, instead, tell the brain what is. And I want a new one. I need new patterns. I need someone to dilute my thoughts and tell me I am in the same circular motion again. It’s time to step out. 


But no, there’s no one.  I’m 43. I am self-sustaining but life has been hard. Is there still a chance? I don’t know. I might have to accept that my life was all about having sub-standards. But the resilient in me does not want to give up, just yet.


So here we are again. Thriving. I’ll still try and try. Finding the right fit. Hoping, finally, for the right ones. Who knows, like some of the things I got in late, these are still in line in this lifetime.


So these days and just again today, I pleaded God to make it my time to get the things I have been praying for. And being the same me, I smiled and went on with my hopes high again.


I’m in the same pattern again. Yeah. 

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