Space Between

Reading a lot to help myself understand my self. Yeah, I can do this. 😎 Sharing some of think bulbs today: “I hope you know that people will rarely understand why you do the things you do because they’ve never been in your shoes.” https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2019/11/i-hope-you-know-that-you-dont-have-to-explain-your-choices-to-anyone/ “I hope you find yours— I won’t settle for mine. https://thoughtcatalog.com/kelsey-mccollum/2020/02/you-dont-deserve-my-efforts “I’ll always want a love that feels like home.” https://thoughtcatalog.com/rania-naim/2017/10/this-is-me-finally-losing-interest/

Going through a lot these days  and I must say, social media has indeed played a big part in helping me digest things. Thankful for the gift of intellect of unknown people all over the internet.  Sharing with you some of my medicine during the tough times: 

How do you live with a stranger?  The voice just seethes through and seems to be more and more unbearable as the words start to double, triple, multiply, and complete a full sentence.  You turn on your loudest music. Thanks to my love for alternative songs. But actually, even the slowest one would suffice.  You stay in one area. Finish everything in one place. Let go when you forget something. Your lungs are about to burst. You try to scream without a voice. Still, you can hear a little as it is so much your body just find it uncontainable.  Now, there’s silence. It doesn’t mean that the stranger is gone, though.  I know, in time, there will be peace. But for now, hopes are up that the stranger will leave soon. By then, I don’t have to live with a stranger anymore.  Update: The stranger has left after a few weeks and it has been one of the happiest days of my life. 🙂

I became a monster a few minutes ago. My head hurts like some nerves are about to burst. My heart hurts like its about to go out. This is what happens when you force things with you. Innocent people get hurt. You get hurt. You get sick. You die without getting what life is for. I don’t want to die unhappy. I don’t want to get sick. I don’t want to get hurt anymore.  Please give us a second chance. Please. Please.

A second chance isn’t too much to ask. 😑

Once in your life, you picked your own stars. You align them in such a way that they would glow as bright as what you perceived them to be- in your dreams, in your fairy tales, and even in your emptiness. They seemed to twinkle perfectly during the first few nights. Brightly in the succeeding months. Just right to remain as stars. But the fire in it slowly got blown by the wind. And the remaining fire shared the scathe of what was left. A number of balls of fire passed, putting some more flame on the fire. But, in the end, the wind drawn the fire. Nothing was left but the memory of the stars.

Woke up one day crying. Woke up another day feeling irritated. Again, another day, one more week , the following month and then became years. It has been a routine. And this has been slowly eating part by part of me for years now. Nothing was left. I died. It died. I planned to gather the pieces but there was no force pushing me down. No arms stretching forward. No eyes looking for one. Tradition says I have to. But why do I have to? Do I have to? Then, what do I do?  What do you do when you realize that, in this pit hole, the only person to save you from drowning is no other than yourself? Today, I stare at emptiness constantly reminding me of all my stupidity. Where has all my worth gone? I keep seeking for answers as to why I opted to settle for something never on my list. To settle on then again that was. I want to blame time. Yes, you, time. But then again, who decided it was time? Can I please recover? Where do I buy that? How do I buy that? I have the answe...