Space Between

Last tuesday, I took a pre-employment exam on one of the best paying government agencies in the country.  I had to take a leave from my work and travel all the way from QC to Pasay. The exam was at 1:30 in the afternoon, therefore I have to leave at around 12:00 noon. Very hot. Adding to that, I was in my usual corporate outfit- tucked long-sleeves, pencil-cut skirt, 3-inch stillettos mtached with my gray stockings. Ang init, diba? I dont care.  I have been given that chance to wear my clothes again.  Of course I'll take it without any buts. Blooper:  Instead of a 2x2 picture, what I brought was a passport-sized photo.  I never thought they were that strict when it comes to pre-employment exam requirements.  The proctor has earlier even asked people without complete requirements to leave and take the exam on another schedule, which is yet to be known. So when I asked the proctor if my pass-port-sized picture would suffice, she said- " Ay, next ...

Always drink water during and after gulping alcohol. I tell you, it saves you from one hell of a day-after. ** wrote this with a bad hang-over. tsk tsk. I forgot it also applies to me. :)**

I love my drinking friends. Hik.

I was not given the patience on waiting. But I was given the patience to try and try again. ------------------------------------------------- Good night. ;)

Best I've Ever Had Vertical Horizon So you sailed away Into a grey sky morning Now I'm here to stay Love can be so boring Nothing's quite the same now I just say your name now But it's not so bad You're only the best I've ever had I don't want you back You're just the best I've ever had So you stole my world Now I'm just a phony Remembering the girl Leaves me down and lonely Send it in a letter Make yourself feel better   And it may take some time to Patch me up inside But I can't take it so I Run away and hide And I may find in time that You were always right You're always right   What was it you wanted Could it be I'm haunted But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had I don't want you back You're just the best I ever had The best I ever had The best I ever

Hello friends. I have transferred my blogs to a new site. You may check it out on my other networking account. Thanks.

Kung wala kang pera, magtiis ka. ---------------------------------- Kung poporma ka lang, wag ka ng manghiram. Leche ka. --------------------------------- Kung wala kang alam, wag kang sumawsaw. -------------------------------- Kung mas mababa ang sweldo mo, hindi ko problema un. -------------------------------- Kung ayaw mo makarinig pabalik, wag kang magsalita. -------------------------------- Kung wala kang kayang gawin, wag ka magreklamo. -------------------------------- Kung magbabayad ka ng utang na loob, wag na. Hindi mo rin matatapos ang pagbabayad nun. -------------------------------- Kung tanga ka, lumayo ka sakin. Ako lang ang tanga sa mundo ko. -------------------------------- Hindi dahil nagsisimba ka, malinis ka. --------------------------------- Hindi dahil mas matanda ka, maraming kang alam. --------------------------------- Hindi dahil mas mayaman ka, mas maayos ka. --------------------------------- Hindi dahil magulang ka, ikaw lang ang may ...

Thank you for my travel opportunities. And the means of it. ----------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for whoever you are in Cebu. I know I wouldn't get to see you stare at me again. But who knows? ----------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for my work. Even though there are lots of even thoughs . ----------------------------------------------------------- Thank you to my friends. ----------------------------------------------------------- And to you who broke my heart before I entered the corporate world--  Thank you for all the painful learnings. Now, they are all funny learnings.:)) -----------------------------------------------------------

Fact. There are some things that you simply can do nothing about. Genes and the blood streaming through my vein are one of those I am meaning to mention.   I am saying this just for this fleeting (and I hate this word. I don’t know if you < I don’t know if you read this though> still remember this. Anyway.) moment. I know I might be feeling better tomorrow, but the feeling today is probably something I could not pass anymore. For you who simply hates me. I am not made of money. I am who I am because of you. I am who I am because I struggle to be far different from you, for one. And I see nothing bad from not being you so I am hoping that in later life you’ll see that being not like me is not as well you committing a mistake.   I know you don’t like me. I am no insensitive on that art. But I would prefer saying nothing anymore.    I think it's good for the system. Maybe you should try it once. Do not push me more. I grew up fighting for my o...

Why Dont You Get  A Job  The Offspring My friend's got a girlfriend man he hates that bitch he tells me every day He says "Man I really gotta lose my chick in the worst kind of way" She sits on her ass he works his hands to the bone to give her money every payday but she wants more dinero just to stay at home Well my friend You gotta say I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way why don't you get a job say no way, say no way, no way why don't you get a job I guess all his money, well it isn't enough to keep heer bill collectors at bay I guess all his money, well it isn't enough cause that girl's got expensive taste I won't pay, I won't pay ya, no way why don't you get a job say no way, say no way, no way why don't you get a job Well I guess it ain't easy doing nothing at all But hey man free rides just don't come along every day Let me tell you about my other friend now my friend's got ...

I posted some of my favorites from my Multiply account.  You may feel free to guess whoever I was referring to. Though, if you get it incorrectly, you'll be spreading the wrong news.  Maybe you haven't had enough, noh? Tsk. Tsk.

I guess loneliness is a mere state of mind. Like happiness, as I often say. It’s more often than not, self-inflicted. And I’d rather not inflict myself anymore. This overrated emotion is rather infectious. In time, I know it’ll lead to something incurable. But time sells cure now. And I already bought one. I now hate spending minutes staring on a still wall and land my imagination elsewhere. I find it rather futility to kill time wondering the what-ifs. I’d rather not think of happy thoughts both time and space witnessed on us.  I prefer omitting the I-hope-there-will-be-us, per se. I now submit to this strength I for a fact know would kill me. And I know time would devour me if I still wouldn’t. Not only time, I guess. This is not sadness, per se. It’s rather a realization of sadness which is inexistent anymore. I don’t believe this but I believe those. I don’t believe myself but I believe my mind. I don’t believe this lie but I believe that still there’s time. I’ll miss eve...

Whenever my system consumes alcohol, I automatically submit to the thoughts of you. You and everything of you. You and exactly how you hold your bottle of beer. You and how the cigarette gets a puff from you. You and how you make my knees go weaker. You and how you manage to get home asleep. You and just the thought of you. I’ve long conceded to the fact that I really do have the hots for you. But man, this is something real. And it gets aggravated everytime I get a bottle of it.  Are alcohol and you quite of the same specie? Nahh. Not even one in my drinking group dared to believe. But, I’d stand by my word. **Pasensha na. Beer-drunk when I wrote this…***

I suddenly asked myself why fate has molded me to become someone I am right now.  I began to think that it might be a curse to always have a need to understand others. That it might be an oblivious mistake to analyze how everything in this world takes its turn. I suddenly wondered why I always have the urge to be rationally different. But then, why would I question this gift that only a few do possess? Thoughts of mine have been playing around for some time now but nobody has ever tried to catch them with their bare hands.  None around would want to take dirt for once and wash them off with what it could really have.  Nonetheless, I never and will never try to beg anyone for that. For as long as I am individually-worthwhile, I will never falter. I’ll keep my eyes straight.  I’ll listen, but not to everybody. I’ll take chances, but not on every second.  I’ll change, but only for me. Maybe, in the extinction of my kind, just maybe, it could have been a better p...

These eyes have been friends with every tear it produces. And the burning enmity it blows has become the marked fume of it.  This mind has been a twin of anger which before is only entertained during bad weather. And this nourishing angst has become the soul of the all its reasons. This heart has been an ally of pain which before only rents space with it. And the enlightening grief has become the sorrow of all who wishes for more light. This body has been painted with frustrations which before is only seen in the naked dreams. And these dismays have lead to the reality of every view it takes glance with. Yet, they do get tired. And now, they really are. And so am I. *** Repost from my Multiply account- 5 May 2008**

And now, I think, I am doing it again. No preferences. No conditions. No qualms. It’s just happening again. Almost everything except the deepest part of the heart.  I remember the last time this outbreak occurred. Two innocent souls playing around like tomorrow never existed. But one innocent soul opted to play with fire instead.  One got burned and the other was left frozen. The scald it left has never entirely healed and neither did the coldness it brought along by.  And time has not done its fair part. I’d always remember how the sheets of paper I broke turned into glass sheets.  How everytime somebody else held his hand, fingers always dripped with blood.  And how his innocence transformed into one malicious body of hunger.  And until now, nobody has held him back in good faith. And finally, I remember how karma came fast knocking into my door. How its smile pretended to be the best visitor I’ll ever have.  And how I gave in to its amusing tal...

This is not my first heartbreak. To begin with, this is not a heartbreak. Finally, I came up with the right decision. Finally, my heart gave in to my mind. I backed out from my race to stupidity. I cut my quasi-happiness. I destroyed the one thing that makes me sad. The tick of my work clock is still deafening. Its silence and idle moments still carry the pain I got along with the journey. For now, the best thing to do is to forgive. But I still cannot.  The only thing that I can do is still far-fetched. And it continues to hurt me. But how do you forgive someone who is not asking for it? How can someone ask for it when he/she does not recognize his/her mistakes? How can he/she recognize his/her mistakes when he/she says he/she did not do such act? I know I will get there. I know this will end. But for today, I'm still sleeping with all the pain I collected from before. But I know, it’ll eventually numb me. Anyway, this is not a heartbreak . *** grabbed from my Multipl...

Elmo!

I've forgotten who my real friends are.  I've reached a stage of confusion on whether I am happily living or just lavishly wanting any of it. I once made a decision. And it bored the stagnant in me. I was a shopaholic. I was a drinker. My heart pumps so hard just the thought of those two. But then I dared to forget those as I seem to seek restfulness these past days.  But then friends are really friends. I forgot I'm friends with San Miguel. I forgot I'm in love with hanging clothes, shoes and bags. I forgot to live my own life in my desire to live it, actually. But then, guess who's back. See you later.

Today, I had my flu vaccine. Next week I’ll have my HPV vaccine.   Yesterday, I had my facial.   This weekend I’ll probably have my hair treated and get a massage.     Why do I have to write these? Because I have nobody to tell them to. I just read a blog of my also single friend on the same dilemma. And, yes, I agree. It’s painful to go home and sleep at night without anyone sincerely interested to know how your day went.   It’s frustrating to realize that your life is an apathy to others. Oh well, the latter line may be an exaggeration because I still have friends who may be interested in my crazy stories.   Yes, crazy stories.   They may want to hear how my absence made myself busy, but, upon getting the main thought, my minutes of fame eventually lose its shine. Then, how about my boring stories? The routine that I go through every day and will go through the following days? Who owns the responsibility, aside from my parents, of knowing how I was a...

And now, I realized that burning bridges could do me wonders.   Why not? It still goes to my main goal- to finally get a positive amnesia on that certain part of my brain.   Stop everything related.   Cut lines and destroy its existence.   It may not be that easy but I know, in time, it will pay me good.   I am hoping, with my fingers crossed, that I’d be able to finally pass this stage.   Although I can say that I have never been this better for the past months, I still aim for the total evaporation of whatever is connected to that regretful part of my life.    I still hope that that time is now.   I must admit, I’m still freaking mad. I still cry due to emptiness, though not that often anymore.   I still feel the same painful feelings like as if things just happened last night.   I don’t miss him, though.   Rather, I miss the person he occupied.    Perhaps, the wound has not yet totally healed.     Bu...

Now I can blog, again. Freely. Welcome, me.